


Not Your Average Bear!

by pocky_slash



Series: Team Shithead [4]
Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: Alternate Universe - Ghost Hunters, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Ghosts, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-14
Updated: 2016-10-14
Packaged: 2018-08-22 09:28:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,835
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8280932
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pocky_slash/pseuds/pocky_slash
Summary: BooBuddy's mission is to investigate the paranormal with us, promoting positive response and letting us know when the environment changes. BooBuddy is not just an EMF bear but an interactive investigator, asking questions and reacting to any changes in the environment just like a human investigator. This is not your average bear! (AKA Alex gets a package, John is an asshole about it, and the bear has the last laugh.)





	

**Author's Note:**

> Hello, folks! If you're new here, [i saw the whole story unwind](http://archiveofourown.org/works/7927810) will give you some solid context for these shenans. Or, if you don't have time to read 130k words of feelings, just know that the gang are all grad students studying ghosts and Alex is Famous On The Internet.
> 
> And, for the usual gang--thanks as always for sticking around! Still taking prompts. You're all the light of my life, etc. ♥

John nearly trips over the box when he walks in.

"Jesus _Christ_ ," he hisses, and just barely manages to keep from sprawling across the floor. "What the hell?"

"It's for Alexander!" Lafayette calls out from the kitchen. "Sent to his post office box and forwarded here."

John kicks it out of the way and leans over to examine the label. It's not addressed to Alex, actually, but rather to his pseudonym, which makes sense: the only reason Alex took out the PO box was to receive mail and packages related to his blog. The return address on the box is some company John's never heard of, but before he can examine it further, someone's hands settle on his hips.

"Not that I don't love walking into this view, but...." Alex says.

"Fuck off," John says, swatting Alex's hands away as he straightens up. "What is this?"

"Probably some stupid product placement shit," Alex says. He peers down at it over John's shoulder. "People are always sending me shit they want me to promote on the blog. I throw most of it out unless it's useful. I don't like doing endorsements--it undercuts the research, you know?"

"Ah yes, so noble," John says. Alex hip checks him out of the way and picks up the box.

"It's probably garbage."

They bring the box into the kitchen, where Lafayette is staring at a kettle as if that will make it boil faster. Alex places the box on the table and grabs a kitchen knife to break open the tape, and John perches on the edge of the counter to watch. There's a sheaf of papers on top of way too many packing peanuts--and aren't there like, a million more environmentally friendly alternatives at this point?--and Alex tosses them to the side so he can dig out--

"Is that a teddy bear?" John asks. It's a stupid question--it's definitely a teddy bear. It's brown and smiling and wearing a tiny red backpack. Alex holds it out at arm's length, frowning.

"It's heavy," he says, and reaches for the papers he tossed aside. John leans over to grab the hood of Alex's sweatshirt, tugging him over to the counter so John can take the bear from his hands and read over his shoulder. Alex was right--the bear is heavy. It almost feels like there's something electronic inside. Maybe it talks.

" _This is not your average bear!_ " Alex reads from the top sheet. He leans his weight back against the counter between John's knees. " _BooBuddy is an--_ are they fucking serious?"

"What?" John asks, turning the bear around in his hands.

"This is the stupidest thing I've ever--"

" _What_ , Alexander?" Lafayette says, peering at them curiously.  
Alex rolls his eyes and goes back to the paper. " _BooBuddy is an interactive ghost hunting bear and fellow investigator_ ," Alex says, giving them a flat, level look. Lafayette bursts out laughing and John grabs the papers from Alex before he can toss them back on the table. This is maybe the stupidest thing he's ever heard. He _loves_ it.

" _BooBuddy has the attractive good looks - and so much more_ ," John reads gleefully. "I didn't make that up, it's what it actually says. _It asks questions and reacts to any changes in the environment just like a human investigator. BooBuddy's mission is to investigate the paranormal with us promoting positive response and letting us know when the environment changes. BooBuddy asks EVP questions--"_ Alex grabs the papers back before John can finish. "Hey!"

"We're tossing it, it's garbage," Alex says. "The same stupid shit people are always sending me. Everyone wants their shiny new toys endorsed by Athenodorus. I have better things to do with my time than deal with this shit."

"At least give it to Herc for parts," Lafayette says, but John holds fast when Alex tries to grab the bear from him.

"No!" he laughs. "I love him already, we're keeping him."

"It's a joke!" Alex says. "It's the same fucking nonsense that makes people so dismissive of this field!"

"No," John says. "Zak Bagans is the sort of fucking nonsense that makes people so dismissive of this field. This is just harmless garbage and I've already named him, so you can't make me throw him away. It would be cruel." He stares Alex down, and Alex broadcasts his next move just a split second before it happens, plenty of time for John to leap off of the counter with the bear and sprint into the living room.

There's not much room to run and nowhere to go, of course, unless he wants to take this chase out into the hall and down to the street, so it doesn't take long for Alex to catch up with him. BooBuddy is a casualty of Alex tackling John onto the couch--he falls to the floor as John flips himself out of Alex's pin and twists around until he has Alex in a headlock.

"If you're going to have sex, please do it in your bedroom, at least until I go to bed!" Lafayette shouts from the kitchen. An unearthly, childish giggle rings out in response, and Alex and John both freeze.

It takes John an embarrassingly long, protracted moment to realize it's BooBuddy.

He releases Alex and rolls off the couch, picking BooBuddy up off the floor.

" _Hahaha, that tickles!_ " BooBuddy giggles.

"He must have switched on when I dropped him," John says.

" _Do you want to be my friend?_ " BooBuddy asks.

"That thing is annoying as fuck, turn it off," Alex says. John hunts around for the switch and then powers the bear down again. "Fine, keep the stupid thing. But if you bring it out into the field, so help me god--"

"Are you kidding?" John says. "Jesus, Washington would probably rescind my admission to the program right there. It's dumb as shit and a terrible tool--that's why I love it."

"So this whole thing was just--"

"--to bother you, yes," John says. Alex sighs. "You love me."

"Why, though?"

John chucks BooBuddy at Alex. He bounces off Alex's shoulder harmlessly and falls down onto the couch.

"If you're so keen on that thing being our little furry son, you probably shouldn't abuse him like that," Alex says. "Anyway, are you gonna help me with this blog post or not?"

"I am," John says. "Get your shit set up, I'll take a look at those photos for you before you post."

"Right, _that's_ why I love you," Alex says, and presses a kiss to his cheek.

They get a little carried away working on the post for Alex's blog--forgetting dinner-level carried away--and after eating toast while standing at the counter at quarter to two, they stumble straight into bed. John doesn't even have the energy to fight with Alex over the blankets--he falls asleep between one breath and the next, before Alex has even fully settled into his mound of stolen pillows. He's going to sleep for a week.

In reality, he sleeps for about an hour.

The first thing he notices when he opens his eyes is the time--3:06 in electric blue shining on the table John can make out over the slope of Alex's shoulder. The second thing he notices is the eerie laughter. John is suddenly wide awake, his heart hammering away, his hands tightening unconsciously on Alex's arm as he tries to remember where he is and figure out what could possibly be happening.

"Ssssh baby go to sleep," Alex murmurs blearily.

"It's not me," John whispers. It's not Lafayette, it can't be Lafayette, it doesn't sound anything like Lafayette.

"Wha?" Alex rolls over and blinks slowly, sleepily at John. "What's--"

Then he's awake too, eyes wide, as the laughter continues.

Their place isn't haunted. They'd fucking know if their place was haunted, they're in the best grad program for parapsychology in the world, studying under one of the most influential minds in the field. They'd absolutely know if--

" _Hahahaha, that tickles!"_

It's the goddamn fucking bear. _Fuck_.

"What was--" Alex tries to say, his nails digging into John's wrist, still confused and half asleep.

"It's the fucking--BooBuddy," John says, relaxing finally. "We left the fucking bear outside. Jesus."

Alex relaxes too and flops onto his back in relief. "You were the one who wanted a fucking pet. You've gotta feed him and walk him."

"First he's our son and now he's our pet?" John says. He throws the blankets off of them and rolls out of bed. "That's pretty disrespectful, Hamilton."

Alex flips him off and grumbles, rolling back on his side as John stumbles towards the door.

He's halfway into the living room when he freezes, replaying the evening in his mind. They definitely shut the bear off. The bear was definitely off when they went to bed.

A half-beat later, Alex has clearly come to the same conclusion. He trips out of the bedroom and into the hallway, nearly colliding with John.

"We turned the bear off!" he hisses.

"I know!" John whispers back. His heart has started beating wildly again.

They would know if their place was haunted.

Right?

They creep through the hall and into the living room. BooBuddy is still on the couch where they left him, lying on his back with his lights flashing and his creepy laugh ringing through the room, still.

" _Do you want to be my friend_?" BooBuddy asks.

"Go get a real EMF meter," John murmurs. There's at least one in their bedroom. Alex hesitates for only a second before he darts away. He returns just as John is steeling himself to reach for the bear, which is still laughing.

"I'm getting--I'm getting nothing," Alex says. "Just background shit, no spikes, nothing abnormal."

John swallows, counts to three, and grabs the bear.

" _That tick--"_

He hits the off switch before they can get any further. There's a blip on Alex's EMF meter and then...silence, save for their heavy breathing.

"We...we probably turned it on by accident when you threw it at me," Alex says after a moment.

"It's garbage," John agrees. "We both said it like, twenty times. It's just garbage. It's oversensitive, probably the air currents shifted--"

"--probably a bus rumbled by outside--"

"--or the people upstairs flushed the toilet--"

"--anything could have caused it. It wasn't--"

"--it couldn't be. We would know if--"

"--we would _so_ know, and Laf would know and Herc's been here a million times--"

"--and all sorts of interference can mess with these things. Probably--"

"--probably it's nothing," Alex concludes.

All John can hear, again, is their breathing.

"But we're gonna put on our shoes and go toss it in the dumpster, right?" John finally says.

"Yes, definitely, we're doing that right now, get your coat," Alex says quickly.

And if they drive over to the next apartment complex to bury it in _that_ dumpster? Well. You can never be too careful with these things.

**Author's Note:**

> So, this is a real thing that my roommate almost got me for my birthday as a joke, except it's not a joke worth $170, so she just sent me the link and we all laughed about it. After the party was over, **weesaw** asked me to write about the shitheads and BooBuddy and HERE WE ARE. You can check out his ~*~specs~*~ [here on Amazon](https://smile.amazon.com/BooBuddy-Ghost-Hunter-Interactive-Bear/dp/B010OD79TW?ie=UTF8&sa-no-redirect=1) or [on his website](http://www.boobuddy.com/).
> 
> You can't make this shit up.


End file.
